Blog Archives

Drivers in Marriage: Money or Tradition

By Miguel Lloyd

UPDATE If you missed this show, you need to check it out! Especially the ladies.  Click HERE to the replay!

Its only fitting on the day of my anniversary we will be talking about marriage. We are going to look at it from a little different angle though. We will be talking about what is dictating marriages today…Money or tradition.

When you look at the tradition of marriage, it is based in a committed relationship between one man and one woman. The man would go out and make a living and the wives would stay home and raise the children and take care of the housework. That worked well when most means of employment were physically demanding jobs that required the physical ability of men.

Well as our culture has “evolved” to a place where your mental aptitude is as important or more important than your physical ability, more women have entered the workplace and changed that landscape.

In the African-American community, beginning with slavery, the family was destroyed and its been an uphill battle ever since. Going back to the turn of the 20th century, while many white women were home living the life of “Mayberry”, black women were cleaning houses to help supplement the income that their husbands were making, just to make ends meet. It was not an abnormal occurrence for black families to have both parents away from home, while kids were fending for themselves until their parents got home.

Well in this day and age that story, long ago, crossed racial lines, which in turn probably contributed to the steady decline of the family structure. While more women were getting better educated  and in turn getting better jobs, they have become less dependent on men regardless of their race.

At the same time, more specifically, in the African-American community a lot of men have been looking for the quickest means to make a living. You have a ton of men who skip college, ignore vocational schools and deal drugs while they are waiting on that illusive recording contract. The result of that is fewer educated black men for professional black women to choose from. In my opinion, thats why a blog like Beyond Black and White is so popular or why homosexuality has become a “viable” option. FYI Brothers, more sistahs believe you aren’t worth the work…but I digress.

When its all said and done, we are made for companionship. The question is are we going to make those choices based on how much money our potential partners makes or on the tradition of building a family & legacy together? This week we will have some fun with this topic as we will bring back funny man Shed “Can I Vent” Garrett. Also will be real-life basketball wife, Terri Nembhard. We are also working on a pastor that will give us his perspective as well. Stay tuned. We should have confirmation on him by tomorrow.

Of course, as always, we will have our super producer, Nikkia Ganey with hot topics, Seshmi Robertson with Entertainment, Elton Gumbel with Sports and Alton Drew with the Politics segment. Join us this and every Wednesday night for the lively conversation by clicking HERE!

Kia’s perspective on the black Marriage negotiations

by Nikkia “Kia” Ganey

Wow…my first blog, how exciting. My Boss and host of Life Full Circle Radio has been getting on my case for weeks now about not doing a blog and I am so happy I finally got around to it.
Three weeks ago Miguel and I discussed some of the reasons why Black women are having a hard time getting married and why some women are going the route of skipping marriage and just having kids. Sadly the show did not air, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there because this is a subject that is near and dear to my soul since I am a Black Women with a lot of single female friends and family members. As women it’s hard to be in the dating scene dating scrub after scrub, but still saying in our head keep hope alive, but sometimes the reasons why we are alone is because our expectations and requirements are out of whack.
As women, we all have a list of expectations for the man we plan on marrying (keep in mind I said marrying, for those of you who are just interested in kickin’ it or just having fun, this blog is not for you), but sometimes that list is unrealistic, especially in the black community. No offense to Black men, but there are not a ton of rich, gorgeous, faithful, God filled black men without a baby’s momma or a conviction record (federal, felony or misdemeanor).  As Black women we want to marry successful Black men who will want to take care of us and the family that is created, but putting Black men making over six figures or an athlete as a first requirement is a real crappy way to start a list because you will end up 50 years old, alone with cats and asking God why he didn’t send you the man you asked for.  Start your list off with the absolute necessity that you know you cannot live without. For me, A Faithful Bible believing Christian man is the first thing on my list and then the other items are ranked by importance. An example of my list: Attractive with a nice body, family man, successful or driving towards success…etc. Try to have less than 10 items on your list.  Honestly, you should have 5 or less items.  But for you control freaks 10 is fine, however it limits your pool of great men.
NOTE: If you are working at Burger King, living with four roommates in a two bedroom apartment and you have a credit score of 335, it is insane for you to ask for a doctor or lawyer living in a mansion. Line your expectations and requirements with what you are bringing to the table. No offense to anyone, but I am trying to keep it real.
This is the most important point I can make, if you find a man that meets your requirements, do not make that man jump through 5 or 6 more hoops to be with you. A lot of Black woman make this mistake when we get a good man who meets our requirements. When we start talking to him about what we are looking for in a man and a relationship, the list goes from simple to complicated. No man wants to go through an SAT type exam to get a woman. My advice, once the guy makes it to the date, Relax, and put the list and requirements back in your purse . A lot of Black women loss great black men because jumping through hoops just wasn’t worth it to them.
If you plan on ignoring me and keeping your 60 requirements for a man, then you could be setting yourself up for failure. Hey, cats make good companions. I am not an expert on men, but I am woman who tossed her list to the side, stopped looking and found a great Christian man.
Luv Always,
Nikkia “Kia” Ganey

You can follow Nikkia on twitter or find her on facebook at KIA GANEY

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