Daily Archives: November 19, 2010

Kia’s perspective on the black Marriage negotiations

by Nikkia “Kia” Ganey

Wow…my first blog, how exciting. My Boss and host of Life Full Circle Radio has been getting on my case for weeks now about not doing a blog and I am so happy I finally got around to it.
Three weeks ago Miguel and I discussed some of the reasons why Black women are having a hard time getting married and why some women are going the route of skipping marriage and just having kids. Sadly the show did not air, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there because this is a subject that is near and dear to my soul since I am a Black Women with a lot of single female friends and family members. As women it’s hard to be in the dating scene dating scrub after scrub, but still saying in our head keep hope alive, but sometimes the reasons why we are alone is because our expectations and requirements are out of whack.
As women, we all have a list of expectations for the man we plan on marrying (keep in mind I said marrying, for those of you who are just interested in kickin’ it or just having fun, this blog is not for you), but sometimes that list is unrealistic, especially in the black community. No offense to Black men, but there are not a ton of rich, gorgeous, faithful, God filled black men without a baby’s momma or a conviction record (federal, felony or misdemeanor).  As Black women we want to marry successful Black men who will want to take care of us and the family that is created, but putting Black men making over six figures or an athlete as a first requirement is a real crappy way to start a list because you will end up 50 years old, alone with cats and asking God why he didn’t send you the man you asked for.  Start your list off with the absolute necessity that you know you cannot live without. For me, A Faithful Bible believing Christian man is the first thing on my list and then the other items are ranked by importance. An example of my list: Attractive with a nice body, family man, successful or driving towards success…etc. Try to have less than 10 items on your list.  Honestly, you should have 5 or less items.  But for you control freaks 10 is fine, however it limits your pool of great men.
NOTE: If you are working at Burger King, living with four roommates in a two bedroom apartment and you have a credit score of 335, it is insane for you to ask for a doctor or lawyer living in a mansion. Line your expectations and requirements with what you are bringing to the table. No offense to anyone, but I am trying to keep it real.
This is the most important point I can make, if you find a man that meets your requirements, do not make that man jump through 5 or 6 more hoops to be with you. A lot of Black woman make this mistake when we get a good man who meets our requirements. When we start talking to him about what we are looking for in a man and a relationship, the list goes from simple to complicated. No man wants to go through an SAT type exam to get a woman. My advice, once the guy makes it to the date, Relax, and put the list and requirements back in your purse . A lot of Black women loss great black men because jumping through hoops just wasn’t worth it to them.
If you plan on ignoring me and keeping your 60 requirements for a man, then you could be setting yourself up for failure. Hey, cats make good companions. I am not an expert on men, but I am woman who tossed her list to the side, stopped looking and found a great Christian man.
Luv Always,
Nikkia “Kia” Ganey

You can follow Nikkia on twitter www.twitter.com/KIAGANEY or find her on facebook at KIA GANEY

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